Memoirs »
PICKLE JUICE – Chapter 3
Chapter 12345678910

“Now I know what a ghost is.
Unfinished business, that’s what.”

― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

I have developed what I believe is a sexually transmitted disease, but occurring all over the body. First thought of as spider bites or ingrown hairs; for over a decade, screenings from Planned Parenthood came back negative for everything tested, and so I did not warn any of my partners or friends. I slept with a girl that had herpes; but she was nice enough to warn me ahead of time, she wasn’t having an outbreak, and we used protection. By contrast, I would pop my special zits at every chance before I would be with someone–to hide the condition. A dermatologist later diagnosed, “acne vulgaris, folliculitis.” On 1/20/08 “Pt not convinced he has acne.” At the mental hospital on 9/15/08, I mentioned it and the doctor said, “my wife has that.” On 5/12/09 “patient is a very health pleasant yr old (illegible) WO acute distress.” If you don’t pick the seed-like obstructions out of the follicle, or if it ruptured inside, the infection would leave a hard cyst, turn a painful dark purple in the area for months, or both; but if I picked at it at just the right time (the opposite of what doctors tell you), the pain would disappear and the wound would heal quickly. One girlfriend asked me about it, pointing to a spot between her outer labia and leg, and I replied that I didn’t know what it was, but offered to try and disgorge it. If it fails to be removed during the procedure, normally when prior tampering causes inflamation of the area, the amount of pain is nearly unbearable. I am saddened by the pain I know she went through because it was a failed attempt.

But that didn’t stop me from sexual activity. I had a nice date with a girl, and we decided to have sex. A few days later, she saw me and demanded, “I need to talk to you now!” I suspected what it was about but was too scared to face her.

In 2008, I went to a doctor to get a hardened cyst removed from my back, that had reinfected and grown to the size of a racquetball. He injected the area directly with Novocaine, increasing the pressure even more. I thought the procedure was over, but numbness was only skin deep as he returned to bloody up several gauze pads, as I lay in agony. He and his receptionist readily mentioned they don’t give out pain medication and this was no exception. It hurt for weeks, leaving a blackened scar and hole in my back.

On 9/24/09 “patient is a 27 year old male in mild stress – very concerned about rash on body,” and “… he feels he was misdiagnosed.” At the dermatologist, I brought in specimens, the “matchbook test,” and he threw them out. He mentioned “delusional parasitosis.” Regular dermatologist appointments with topical treatments with no effect on skin condition ended with a biopsy. He was proud to confirm himself after objecting to the study. “Cystically dilated follicular infundibulum with adjacent mixed cell inflammatory infiltrate including neutrophils, histiocytes and multinucleated giant cells. Folliculitis, ruptured.” I still feel this is sexually transmitted; but also transmitted by any contact; also living outside the body. I would pick at my skin as a nervous habit almost everywhere, including at a friend’s house. One day, children were crawling around the chair where I had selfishly dropped the debris, and one later showed a postule on her face. Another doctor successfully removed a cyst and stitched me up without me feeling a thing. At my shocked face, he said that’s how surgery is supposed to be. He even had the courtesy to initiate by asking where this condition came from, to which I replied that I think it’s sexually transmitted. No doctor has given any restrictions. Not everybody is susceptible, so it’s been a challenge to know exactly what restrictions to place on myself; I am no doctor. A physical therapist wound up with a big pimple on his face, and he only commented matter-of-factly that it lasted a lot longer than normal. I gave him a dropper of what the dermatologist gave me. One guy let me borrow a pair of pants, because I grew out of mine. The pants went right to the wash afterwards. We hugged once. It didn’t stop the disease.

I saw a live bug, caught it, and brought it to vector analysis in 2010; but it was a bookworm. I lost their contact information. I walked into a hospital in 2011, said that I had an unknown STD, and they refused to see me. A physician’s assistant in 2014 quickly offered anti-biotics with no test if it was even a bacteria, which I refused as already attempted numerous times; a body wash which was already tried; and I discounted seeing another dermatologist, predicted to result in an offer of the same things like a robot. When asked to take responsibility and write a statement that I could share a hug, a cup, a toilet seat, or a bed; they all turn mute and send me to each other. “I don’t think you should feel responsible for someone getting a pimple.” “If you’re having delusions, your psychiatrist can adjust the medication,” like covering up something real is gonna help matters.

Lesson: If there’s a disk shaped object during story time in first grade, pay attention. If you don’t listen to your doctor’s advice, one day a doctor might not listen to you. Maybe I deserve negligent healthcare–after disregarding that doctor’s advice at age 6 and continuing to put my fingers in my ears, or to take me off the market for having had a decadent sexual awakening–No no idea to prevent its spread.

I’ve seen entire hairs covered in a film like twigs during an ice storm. I bought a Chlamydia comb and shampoo to deal with it with no change. It disappeared and reappeared a few times on its own over a decade, especially with prolonged sweat. The dermatologist didn’t find anything and the STD clinic gave clean urine and blood work.

I bought a pre-owned luxury car, hit an animal soon after, left the scene–leaving the thing laying in the road with its tongue hanging out–and had drive train trouble after that. As an interesting entendre to my sexual problems, the car dealer said nothing was wrong and the warrantee soon expired.

When the flood took out the town I worked and lived in, there was a lot of new equipment. I was put in charge of tallying some orders, and I nagged my boss for my own personal business laptop. He eventually said yes, I ordered it, and didn’t speak about it again. I took it home and did some work related labor studying some software I was involved with becoming an expert in, but I also used it as a personal computer.

A couple of girls showed up at the pool table in the town I lived in, the fall or winter of 2008. The one offered me 50 dollars for a kiss in the middle of the dance floor. I refused. Another time in the same area, they both asked to come home with me to smoke. We did. They were obnoxiously loud, repeating things I said. One asked to check her myspace on my laptop, and I reluctantly agreed. The other girl and I were alone during that, doing pot and drinking more beer, and I asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said something odd, “I thought you were supposed to have sex with her,” referring to the girl at the computer desk. She started parading around the apartment yelling at the top of her lungs, “Justin want’s to have sex with me!” I cringed at the thought of my downstairs neighbor overhearing.

After that, the laptop had a virus. The next time I saw the girls, I told them about the virus. One apologized and the other began to flirt and talk about our sexual encounter. I blew them off.

I felt increasingly guilty as someone planted a virus and the computer’s capabilities diminished; I didn’t want to tell my boss it was damaged and remind him I even had it. The smartest computer savvy person I knew could not fix it. The similarities are uncanny.

Justin would explain his situation to different psychiatrists, who would with every new detail, increase his dosage of mood stabilizers, later taking him off mood stabilizers and putting him on selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (deep sedatives), sleep aids, and anti-depressants. He actually tried many medications at various points in the first year after the initial onset, half of which can be referred to 1-800-BAD-DRUG, with various possible side effects including: heart arrhythmia, palpitations, kidney disease, thyroid disease, rash, inflammation of the lining of the stomach and intestines, Parkinson’s symptoms, cataracts, high cholesterol, pancreatitis, enlargement of the heart, kidney failure, diabetes, decreased and deficient white blood cells, widening of blood vessels, lack of blood supply to the brain, stroke, easily angered and annoyed, nervous, depression, mood changes, mental impairment, chronic trouble sleeping, involuntary quivering, problem behavior, acute liver failure, over excitement, thoughts of suicide, confusion, decreased concentration, disorder of the digestive system, low energy, diarrhea, multiple organ failure, bone marrow failure, anemia, chronic trouble sleeping, difficulty speaking, unusual thinking, anxiety, risk-taking, aggression, sleep disorder, lethargy, dizziness. This is your immune system. This is your emotional balance. Is it acceptable side-effects or intended side-effects? The fact that 90% of america support the medication of people they don’t understand is staggering.

I went to a friend’s housewarming party after starting psychoactive medication in 2008. Several people from college were there, including a girl who lived on my floor freshman year. We had always exchanged glances and smiles in school. At the party, we decided to go for a walk. We made out over the next couple hours. At one point, I admitted that I had always had a thing for her. She was upset, “why didn’t you ever say anything?” I admitted my fear, and knew right then that it was over. Just having told her that sealed the deal. I tried to kiss her again and brush it off, but the damage was done.


think tanks are…thank inks rate…

Eventually (ten months after treatment began) the medication in combination with an online purge of intelligence and lack of sleep coalesced; and in an excited state, he precipitously sent a mass email to his coworkers explaining the magnitude with regard to specific electrical tests. Human resources called him in and Justin said, “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.” Someone with whom he had never been ancillary gave him an ultimatum, “go to the hospital or you’re fired” [actually forcing him into a half hour drive]. They were more concerned about getting the loose cannon out of the building than letting him file the status of his workload. The hospital told him to go home to rest [another half hour drive].

Days later, 24 July 2009, he felt drowned out among the global discussion, and complained for not being recognized, instigating and barely surviving a physical attack; running again to his hometown–this time to hide out. At a motel, he looked up at the stars and saw a satellite traversing the sky, then watched it suddenly turn directly at him and begin to grow. He ran inside afraid.

12/17/2008 Anonymous 3: I imagine the sun could very well be made of Iron.
5/30/2009 Anonymous 3: I always enjoyed the MECO.
Magnetic Eternally Collapsing Object.
This theory of the MECO is a bright plasmoid.

[6/4/2009]Since September, 2008, I have organized the basis of the Electromass concept. It is only 40 pages with pictures…please send me email addresses and I’ll shoot you a copy. It is 3 megabytes.

My email address is ####

Best regards,
Justin
KickLaBuka

6/4/2009: I’d be interested in reviewing your document.
Thanks! [name removed](earworm)

6/8/2009: As below – so above? Is it really that simple?
– With the traditional “scientific thinking”, using all kinds of non sense hyphotesis and phantasie equations on the Cosmos, one maybe will be far better of assuming that “black holes” is just “a cosmic eye in a macrocosmic hurrycane”, very similar to what we can observe on the Earth weather phenomenons.There is no matter /movement in the middle of the hole/eye, but there is a strong force on the hollow vortex side, either sucking in or pushing out, all depending of which location one is observing the structure.

I really think it´s that easy!

6/11/2009 A team of researchers led by (name removed), studied the slow evolution of a dust cloud into a massive star, and realized that the cloud’s magnetic field controls the star’s development more than any other factor. They say this magnetic energy dominates over the energies at play – e.g. centrifugal force and turbulence – and suggest that the role of the magnetic field in the early stages of star formation could be very similar to both small and massive stars.

6/11/2009 Gosh! Magnetic fields dominate during star formation…in an hourglass shape! Who could have predicted that one coming? Why do I sense a sudden co-opting of plasma cosmology? Soon they’ll be saying “we knew it all along!”

6/12/2009 I don’t know whether to laugh at, or cry for these people…so I’ll do both.

6/16/2009 “Have you had an opportunity to discuss this with wal thornhill?”

6/18/2009 Understand that I skewed from the accepted model quite abruptly and to the horror of my family and the confusion of my friends. It would be a great story, but for now I have accepted insanity, embraced electromass, and will never go back to the accepted model.

EMAIL: 6/20/2009 Dear Justin
I would appreciate if you would kindly email copy of the paper, or at least details where it can be obtained.
Thank you
“name4 removed”

6/22/2009 subject: Electrigrav: I need a very detailed overall picture of the sun and the next four or five planets ( or all of them for that matter) with magnetic lines and magnetotails all in one picture. Has anyone seen such a beast in your travels on the net. It would be heighly appreciated. I might have a barnstormer here, if it has high enough graphics to look upon.

6/24/2009 What caught my eye in the softpedia article was the importance of reliane on a model for further discovery. As important as observations and evidnece are to us all, I observe that the progress of discovery is hindered by the adherence to any particular paradigm, and that with a paradigm shift comes new or unexpected for decades discoveries. I like the [group name removed] for this….

6/24/2009 You know [name removed], what you stated above reminds me of my conversation with [name4] in the below thread. His group is attempting to prove that heat is convected from the solar dynamo to the photosphere by magnetic means. They also attempt to show that the magnetism is exhibited by the sun is created by percolation of magnetic thingy’s up to the photosphere, which in turns drives sunspots (was hard for me to keep reading into that).

6/25/2009 Well the future looks bright indeed! Yes sir.. and that is a great paper as well… I am not sure how anyone can read that and not come away with a much richer, more fulfilling, and far more interesting view of the universe we reside in. It is all right there, in your face, and all you have to do is take a halfway decent look at it and it becomes obvious…

6/24/2009 I have a copy of the [name removed] paper. I’d be happy to send a copy to anyone who asks. IMO, based on the data in the [name removed] paper, no way could graviational collapse create that sort of well defined, hourglass, morphology at this early stage of development, whether it be a galactic, or stellar system.

“You can’t have an Electric Universe without Mass. It’s clearly pointed out on page 19 of my book. Electromass is the solution(earworm).”

6/25/2009 What are you talking about Willis? Wouldn’t it be the other way round?

6/29/2009 Some form on ultra dense compact matter may be the dynamo in forming the stable jets that reform galaxies such as the “cartwheel” and dual and quad jets that we can observe. These stable jets are responsible for the evolution and form of not only their galaxy but distant galaxies.

This paper is quite interesting.

6/29/2009 Quantumnumber: Making contact with someone dead is rather odd. I wonder, how is that possible???
6/29/2009 the method appears to generally be an elaboration of cold reading.

6/30/2009 “This month, we’ve chosen to highlight a paper that is causing a stir in cosmology. Serious doubt is cast upon the validity of the entire body of WMAP analysis.” I was also looking for a coherent explaination of the MRB from an electric universe point of view, but I have only read a few blurbs about the phenomenon but couldn’t finda good enough/reasonable explaination. Any good reads?

6/30/2009 I’m sure one of the guys will come back with a link to some articles, but I do remember that (unnamed) thinks that this cosmic microwave background radiation is nothing more than the emissions of our local plasma sheath surrounding our sun putting out some energy…I think.
Sometimes I read these articles waaay too late at night >.<

6/30/2009 The following study gives evidence of the CMB coming from the Sun’s heliosheath:

6/30/2009 I always imagined it would be difficult to take a microwave picture inside of a microwave oven

6/30/2009 Thank you for the paper, read through it and remember indeed that the heliopause had something to do with. Although this paper only tries to explain a distortion in the CMB, it is still possible that the entirty of the MBR is coming from the heliopause double layer.

7/1/2009 Thanks for backing me up with the links gents  Tip of the hat to (unnamed) for posting the link to that paper! It’s great to see the science behind the EU/PC theories put to test and come up winning like that! So many of the detractors cite our “lack of math” lack of reference to “published, peer-reviewed papers” and etc, so it is really good to see stuff like this turn up. Say, is there a site where EU/PC maintains a compendium of experiements and papers like the one above? I know that Dr. Perratt has several links to published papers, and I think plasma cosmology had some referenc3es…but is there a place where someone has been tucking away all of the stuff from the scientific realm that has direct bearing to validation of the EU/PC perspective? If there isn’t…do you think we could create a forum here for it? 

7/4/2009 Tha’s soooo money. Getting caught in the act. (unnamed) is the man.

7/7/2009 It’s odd- in retrospect, the concept seems so simple… add energy, and matter becomes more massive, rather than ‘mass increasing from velocity’. Why has it taken this long to arrive at such a logical deduction?

It makes so much more sense, really.

There are probably new laws that need to be discovered regarding the relationships, spin of sub-atomic particles and whatnot- but essentially… there it is! in a nutshell.

Occam’s Razor, once again.

7/10/2009 Anonymous 3: Justin, your work has a lot of the details of The [name removed] Model aka [abriviation removed] by [name removed].
However his goes further in its development. MASS is indeed a fundamental dimension. Mass and EM charge are two sides of the same coin.

There is no Strong or Weak force. Yes, thats all correct. The reason for the existance of [number] according to [name removed] is the answer to the universe, the fine structure constant is indeed knowable and explainable. [abreviation] made it so several years ago.

7/12/2009 EMAIL: “I wish to encourage you in your evident pursuit of
understanding. :-)” Wal

7/13/2009 I smell a conspiracy in ancient greek 

7/14/2009 That was one hell of a discussion. Yikes. I took General Relativity in grad school but I don’t recall ever being presented with one like (name removed) in the sense that it was able to model such large scale structures so well.

7/16/2009 “Thank you Justin – received electromass document. It looks great and straightforward discussion style with well explained points. I will enjoy reading this. A very accessible document for the lay-person like me.”

7/17/2009 “our community, if one can call it that, is small with no “indoctrination centers”, aka, graduate schools in astronomy, we come to Plasma Cosmology by many different roads, and once here, we tend to act like a bunch of cats.”

7/17/2009 Almost any astronomer craves to get published, this wears people down,

7/17/2009 I certainly feel worn down by the surplus of chatter and the lack of credit given back to me…I think over the past month that some have just gone away with the new knowledge and completely forgotten who brought it here…

7/17/2009 Anonymous 3: My best advice, do not take it personal, do not care if others do not listen. To those that are called, they will come. Even still the message will not always conveyed, that YOU taught it too them. Its a personal journey, like coming to the EU. I too get excited, no one else, really cares. I have learned to keep it to myself in public.

7/17/2009 “I have learned to keep it to myself in public.” Cruel really !

7/18/2009 PS. Bcc’d widely.

7/20/2009 Ladies and Gentlemen,

It is with great honor to provide you with mathematical prous and conceptual bias that can beat quantum mechanics, the aether physics model, general relativity, etc. This thread is directed at APM and QM and Plank’s constant and so on. But it should not avoid the obvious question as to General Relativity or Special Relativity.

Equation 1: The line integral of the electromagnetic spectrum received is equal to a geometric combination of mass and charge.
Equation 2: The partial time derivative of the received spectrum is equal to the spatial integral of the sum of the fields with respect to the change in a unit of this time quantity.

This thread is designed to both protect my hypothesis, equally discounting the accepted and fringe models. I hope that this can stretch broadly enough for the responders to both discredit my hypotheses or support their own models against me.

With kindest regards,
Justin Sandburg
KickLaBuka
Guest

7/20/2009 * 1. Are you saying that wavelength or frequency is a product of mass and charge? How do you derive a formula for that?
* 2. What’s the significance of the time derivative of the spectrum? What do you mean by the sum of the fields? – the sum of the forces of the electric and or magnetic fields of EM radiation? – or the sum of what exactly?
* And how does this relate to Electric Universe theory?
* By the way, the concepts of integration and differentiation have some basic flaws, which this website helps clear up:

7/20/2009 I want full response from the … scientists and moderators of this forum. I also want an answer from them about their prior knowledge to describe this thread:

7/20/2009 With all due respect, I want peace and love and lots of hippie stuff but I won’t get it by shouting around on a public forum.

If you seek discourse with … scientists, contact them directly with your papers. This is a public forum where members of the general public can discuss the published theories of …, not a hotline to the boss. The moderators are volunteers. I am a volunteer. Demanding responses from volunteers over issues which they do not control anyhow is not considered good form. As for the thread you’ve linked to, I can’t even begin to understand your gripe.

7/20/2009 What do you think of this critic Has it any foundations?
7/20/2009 I think he’s arrogant, and unscientific, since he calls doubters of the conventional view crackpots.
7/20/2009 Arrogant is a good word
That is being polite

7/20/2009 I can’t download your book. It gets stuck about 3/4ths of the way through.

7/20/2009 I can’t download the book either.

7/20/2009 Anonymous 3: after a quick view of the PDF, I see no proof that Plancks constant does not specifically denote the angular momentum of an electron.
7/21/2009 Anonymous 3: A photon is an electrons angular momentum expanding at the speed of light…compton’s wavelength remains quantized

7/21/2009 No problem [name] et al. I have no gripe really. None of the posters can explain the entire math. None can derive it the way I have with every notation. So you see, that thread had to happen. Word got out and a bunch of people got Nobel Prize happy, but the word got out. There was a beautiful shedding of information. Sorry to those who got caught up in the hype. As always, thanks to the real scientists.

7/21/2009 The fact that plank wasn’t around in 1890 when the paper was cut to, should turn heads without honorable mention. I only say that because I met the author. Real selfish. Upon finishing the ET link…

Literary Review Recent Fantasy

Electric Matter is crap. Forty pages of scheming literary, undeciding garbage—and zero math; thick with alien innuendo. This guy is clearly a schizoaffective lunatic waving these uncertain posits: Neither Angular Momentum nor Energy can be quantized. A photon is a fundamental energy unit.

“Just five minutes, worm your honor”

7/21/2009 “What if the current flow path is as a crumb attracted by 1000 seaguls screaming ‘mine, mine, mine’”? What a mess for that much “mass, motion” to occupy that space emcompassing that little crumb, so as to grasp onto it long enough to actually take a bite!

7/21/2009 Funny, when I see myself swatting a fly or chasing a document down the parking lot, to have it whisked away by the motion of a hand. Easier to step on it, before the gust flips it away.

7/22/2009 “Justin I know these things happen (corruption etc) but I did not expect it to happen so close to home. Contact me when necessary.”

7/22/2009 Methinks 1000 seagulls screaming “Mine, Mine, Mine!” like in Finding Nemo still wouldn’t quite cause ye olde crumb to move an inch without some specific force acting on it…

7/22/2009 His main objection is that he thinks that the Big Bang and the black holes are incompatible with General Relativity according to his understanding of physics summarized in this paper. Using dozens of equations, [name removed] shows that all relativists have fatally erred in their analysis of the “Efcleethean” and “Reimannian” geometries.

That kid is an unadulterated mainstreamist fan boi

7/23/2009 Well, [name removed], you’re almost as hard to follow as Kick.

7/23/2009 If you look through that pseudo-skeptical, passive-agressive blog, my comments regarding the author of it will become a bit more clear. I was talking about the author of the blog, not [name removed]!

7/23/2009 I find it quite amusing, personally.

7/23/2009 Anonymous 3: Thats not the field structure of the magnetic field. That is millions of iron filings which become individual magnets and align in a field. The field structure are dual vortex’s which spin, [name removed] proved that very clearly. That picture is a total fakeout along with the standard reply…..No offense, but I had to say.

7/23/2009 [anonymous 3] You are just incorrigible, aren’t you ?

7/24/2009: I thought this was a two way street, with cars playing nice. To co-exist, co-elaborate. Drive past each other without swerving. Do you really think it just stops? You want to see it stop?

7/24/2009: FS3: The galaxy, called NGC 1097, is located 50 million light-years away.
“The fate of this black hole and others like it is an active area of research,” said George Helou, deputy director of NASA’s Spitzer Science Center at the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena. “Some theories hold that the black hole might quiet down and eventually enter a more dormant state like our Milky Way black hole.”…
Apart from all those Black ‘oles, “calming down” or develpoing into a “more dormant state”(?huh?) they still seem to play playing peek-a-boo as that Black ‘ole still seems to be “invisible” – although everyone seems to “see” it…

Isn’t imagination of self-fullfilling prophecies a great thing?

[memoir] It seemed at this time that a kill order had just been made. Was that possible? The make and model of my car and bike were online, having the same username for home-repair forums. My address from a year earlier in the next town over was available at an online white pages site. After about a minute just staring at the screen, I left the library terminal, went home and began preparing a camping bag, some towels, pots and pans and dropped them off out of sight on a nearby back road. I didn’t have a stove so I don’t know why pots and pans. My first thought was, what can I not make and manufacture if I was stuck in the wild. I never wound up using most of the stuff I tied on to the bike. I returned to town. An oncoming red, 1990’s style trans am swerved into my lane as we both approached the bottom of a hill. The bike was able to slow down enough and the driver aborted the collision. At this point, the reality of that order began to sink in. I continued preparing to leave town, packing some of my most valued belongings and ditching them in the woods–knowing now that mercenaries knew where and how to find me on a back road. I would tie it all down to the motorcycle once I was away from home. On my next trip down the same road with the trans am, within twenty minutes of the first trip, an oncoming silver pick-up truck approached with a nice big grill in the front–fast and dead at me. I was so hard on the brakes, the rear end lost most of its weight and began to swerve; to the left, to the right, left, right. The truck was getting very close. I dug hard, pulled the bike into a lean, released the locked rear brake. Any motorcycle instructor would tell you never to release the rear once it is in a skid, especially in a lean. The bike caught traction, swerved around the truck, stood up just within the shoulder of the road, and as I was thrown over the top, the bike and I leaned back to the left and recovered. Near impact, the truck and the bike were within five feet, with a combined speed of no less than 100 mph. He didn’t change his trajectory at all, but looking through the bike’s left-side mirror, he had returned to his side of the road. From his perspective, I went right under the truck. I made a few quick turns to get to my camping gear, packed up the motorcycle and got out of dodge.

Along the journey up a two lane state road, with no idea where to go, I stopped at a rest stop behind an SUV to adjust my bags and drink a bottle of water. The driver got out to walk his dog. I got back on the bike and moved on. I turned right at a light, drove a half a mile, then turned around. That SUV was making the turn onto that road, and we passed each other. I stopped for gas and saw a old rusted red pick-up truck; the driver turned out the window and stared back at me, with a great deal of anger in his face. Who were these people? I went inside to ask for directions to utica, paid for my gas, went back outside to notice the man in the truck still staring at me. I felt like if he had a gun on him he would have shot me. I drove towards rome, NY. After making several more turns and satisfied that I was not followed, I pulled off into a wooded marshland to set up shelter. I left many belongings, including my passport and a bag full of papers describing the discovery as well as documentation of the events with the online perpetrators prior to the attack. I decided to separate myself from my belongings because I really felt that they were safe, drove to a motel a few towns over, and turned on the TV. The President was live saying whatever he wanted about a teachable moment. I turned my phone on and made a call to a friend, to tell him I was still alive. He didn’t seem surprised.

That weekend, the television was playing clips from a futuristic looking video, claiming the scientific theory of everything had been found. Commercials would cut to outtakes of anger and celebration over “something;” but nobody gave any indicators of the science behind their ideas. My conclusion was that they were spooling up to expose a paradigm shift to the public.

Saturday night, I looked up again at the stars and saw two lit objects rotating around each other in a circle many miles above the earth. They began to spin faster and faster, then shot away and disappeared into a point in a spectacular fashion. I gratefully filed what I witnessed into my brain–eager for another show; and returned to the virtual world to remind anybody watching that I was still there and unafraid.

I stole a pair of army pants that were abandoned in a room, noticed that the discussion in which I had first exposed the coup had been removed and replaced by another thread, this one back dated to 3/17/2008, which sought to undermine my work. Members of the intelligence websites also cryptically discussed the traffic incident, which showed that the document was prophesy or forged–those involved couldn’t help but brag about it.

7/25/2009 Black ‘oles quieting down and going dormant, does that mean gravity is a variable after all?
What happened to the good old power suckers that nothing, even light could escape?

dated 3/17/2008, posted 7/24/2009:

By the way; the new graphics dress of the forum is very pleasant

Of course finding event horizons and blackholes in a fiber optic cable is weird, but there are are interesting things in this research.
They first transmitted an ultrashort, intense laser pulse down the optical fiber. The optical fiber is susceptible to nonlinear effects, such that when an intense pulse of light hits the fiber, it changes the physical properties of the fiber. In this case, the first pulse created a distortion that amounted to a change in the fiber’s index of refraction, which moves along with the pulse. The pulse itself was slowed by the distortion. Leonhardt and colleagues then sent a “faster” stream of infrared laser light in pursuit of the first pulse. When the faster-moving second pulse encountered the distortion, it got trapped at its edge and couldn’t break past it. This edge became the fiber’s “event horizon.”

It seems nature doesn’t mind at all, however, things occasionally go wrong. The other virtual particle is forced to live longer than the uncertainty principle allows, in effect becoming a real particle. Were I an accountant I would call this a cosmological ‘loop hole’. It is instead filled with “virtual particles” which annihilate each other, unless of course, they manage to escape the initially inescapable “event horizon.”

Come to think of it… Wouldn’t such a bizarre aberration as virtual particles becoming “real” particles, with one swallowed by the black hole and the other flying off what if two particles were to appear and one goes in and the other ‘wanders off’?” But then one would have to realize that second particle that goes “wandering off” seems like it really should NOT go “a-wandering.” Remember, it’s teetering on the brink of the event horizon of a black hole! it’s still going to feel the effects of the gravity well where it materialized like a few microns from the point-of-no-return… It just seems like it shouldn’t just go skipping off on its merry way… Am I the only one who has wondered about this?

but also contradicting the supposed notion that ‘nothing can escape’.

The one inside screams ‘Oooh, it hurts … it hurts’ and falls into the black hole. The other skips off on its merry way, ignoring the gravity well behind it … (Please ignore the violation of prior theories stating nothing escapes a black hole and being that close to the event horizon means certain doom from tidal forces) …”

One might also be inclined to point out that the structures talked about with reference to black holes and their axial jets (which seems a bit ironic, since they’re supposed to be the great “eaters of all”) seem to be becoming quite similar to descriptions / schematics of “plasma focus fusion.”
Sorry for the length. Just trying to quickly summarize some of the info from ye olde loste “Black Hole vs. the Birth of a Plasma Galaxy” thread. Unfortunately, Google’s cache was lacking on that one, insofar as I could tell. Thankfully, I vaguely recall the thread…

7/25/2009: “I recall the thread. It was on 11JUNE2009”(earworm) The original thread reappeared.

7/25/2009: “He is NOT blueberries!”

7/25/2009: Hi Justin, I think we are driving past each other and you swerved!;) But please, dont stop.


“Every experience is repeated or suffered till you experience it properly and fully the first time.”
Ben Okri, Astonishing the Gods

In 1995, someone in class made a joke that I thought was funny. Five minutes later, I saw an opportunity to mock a similar incident, and one of the smart popular girls whispered, “It was funny the first time.” I was seeking attention, and instead, spent the rest of the period silent. It was a lesson in being unique.

At age 7 or so, I saw two older kids fully clothed laying on top of each other in the grass. I suspected they were fooling around, being borne familiar with the practice but not the term, and wanted to include myself with the pretty girl; so I walked over and asked them if they were playing “jump on each other game” to ease the mood of being caught. They said yes, but that I couldn’t play. When I saw their parents, I tattled, incorrectly, that they were “having sex.” Everybody flipped out and I never saw them together again.

Not having learned my lesson to seek attention, when I was 14, a few students were preparing for a social studies exam when they informed me they knew the answers. They offered them to me. I felt so guilty, I told the teacher there was going to be cheating. He offered me a reward which made me feel even more guilty. He spent the whole test period glaring right at his suspects. They confronted me about the incident. I lied and denied ratting them out. I had the answers the whole time and combated with my instinct to bury the cheat sheet after checking the first two questions. I felt dirty when I claimed the reward, ice cream.

I told the boyfriend after an affair I had with his girlfriend; not considering the damage telling him would do to their relationship.

My mother collaborated with me on science fair projects every time the school did one. She needed the fun; it was nice to understand each other’s minds; and it was some of the best teamwork experience I could have asked for in my youth. It was also plagiarizing her artistry and display as my own work–which is unfair to the students as well as the performance of the school writ large.

The night of prom my Junior year; my brother let me borrow his car. I didn’t drink at the time and offered to be the DD. I parked on the grass because the lot was pretty full. After the after prom party, at dawn, I went to grab the car. I looked in my rear view to see nothing but glare. I turned around and saw a bright sun. At that point I should have gotten out of the car and walked around it, like I had been taught just a year earlier; but it was a long night. I backed right up into a hydrant. It tilted but I did not see any breaks. It wasn’t long before I noticed that it was fixed, but I failed to responsibly report it or turn myself in to pay for the damages.

Age 17 was my prom. Of some of my first female friends; I mustered to ask one to the prom. I had not yet been introduced to alcohol and DD’d. My date drank beforehand. The next Monday at school, rumor spread that somebody told on her for drinking during an athletic season, and she lost her eligibility for sports–in what she was a high performer. It was whispered who told on her. At lunch, the person mentioned how she got what she deserved. I said, “I think you told on her.” She cried and ran to the athletic department for advice. They called me in to their office and said, “is that really how you want to end a friendship?” no, but I also didn’t want to say nothing when a friend got athletic suspension for enjoying herself on my watch. The point is the evolution from tattling to animus for same, to eventual prohibited acts myself, and full circle.

Freshman year of college, there was an extra credit assignment for chemistry, which people were sharing with each other. I turned down the offer to copy, and I also did not do the assignment, and got a B+ instead of an A. I complained to the professor that I should have gotten an A and he said that it was because I didn’t do the extra credit. I can’t remember if I told him in frustration that people cheated on it anyway. If I told him people cheated on it, it makes me look like a rat times two. If I didn’t tell him, I still look bad for letting unfair practices pass unmentioned.

Sophmore year, there was an extra credit assignment in astronomy, and I did it but the word processor I used wasn’t right for the professor’s computer; so he got a bunch of garbled characters. I did not receive the extra credit. He told me I was lucky to have gotten a C.

The experimental physics lab was going along smoothly, and I ran into a problem I didn’t know how to resolve. It was theorizing between a straight slope and a curved slope. We had very little calculus at that early year. I asked the teacher’s assistant and he reluctantly told us what we were missing. He told all the groups after that in fairness. During the actual experiment, our matchbox car bottomed out on the track due to its design. I rushed to take corrective action on the car, and used a grinder to rework it. When I returned to run the car again on the track, I didn’t look at my paperwork to verify the starting position. I just put it up on the track and let it go and it was able to maneuvre the curve and landed where it was supposed to. I turned in the paperwork and I’m assuming the paperwork was right, because I got an award for my work on that team. I feel guilty about that. I don’t feel like much of a winner. The theory I probably wouldn’t have been able to derive without help. That’s the purpose of education: Not to just leave students to recreate 400 year old prize winning science, but rather to try, and then be helped.

In 2002, I was taking either a quantum or thermal physics test and the teacher left the room. I asked a student near me for help and he told me to do my own work. It might not have been an open book test, and I definitely looked at my book, and totally bombed the test anyway.

In 2003, I was taking an elective course and the pizza maker I was training happened to be in the same class. He offered me to look at two completed homework assignments to assist me in my own homework. I don’t know why I accepted the offer but it actually taught me how to do the work. I took the tests by myself and passed the course. Although this constituted 5% of a single, elective course, this could cause me to lose my degree if the faculty want to punish this.

In 2007, a trigonometry challenge email went around the office. I raced to solve it. I knew a few tricks to simplify trig, and redrew the picture to the point where it was easy to answer. Then I made a silly mistake in the math afterwards and got the wrong solution, proudly the first to post my work. A few minutes later, someone else explained my error and got the right answer. Everyone thanked him. I did not. I told him, “way to come in in the ninth inning [and correct a stupid error.]” Another person emailed me, “you went to [THAT school]!? I was humiliated…and a jerk.

Pumping gas one time I realized that I wanted a different quality fuel. I stopped, and switched fuel grades and pumped more gas. When I went to pay, the bill was only for the second round of fuel. I didn’t say anything. Soon after, nationwide measures would go into effect to always pre-pay, trust issues of which I was partially responsible.

Someone gave me incorrectly too much change at a convenience store one time. I didn’t say anything.

I became a thief at age 9, stealing a condom from a convenience store. On a few occasions in college, I would sneak into sorority houses and steal food. I realized it wasn’t a game and discontinued. Theft of framed composite pictures was however, always a game, to use as ransom for a sorority to hang out with fraternities, and vice versa. I stole a set of billiard balls from a fraternity, but returned them and played a game with a brother there to make amends. I once stole a road sign pointing to a nearby village, that wasn’t replaced.

My unpunished criminal activity didn’t stop there. I’ve driven under the influence of alcohol, a couple times dangerously very intoxicated, and even drank a beer while driving on occasion. One time I drank at a bar a few towns over, then decided not to fall asleep in the driver’s seat and slept next to my car. I woke up at my acquaintance’s house at 8am. He had dragged me there. He gave me a ride back to my car and I left, still dizzy from the night before. I stopped at a McDonald’s to fill my stomach and the cashier didn’t want me to drive. She threatened to call the cops. I got my food and bolted. My friend told people at work that I fell asleep next to my car, and I didn’t trust him after that. He was upset at me for my reaction, and I was upset at him for getting involved and telling coworkers about something that happened outside of work–even though I probably would have been taken to the hospital for falling asleep in a public place.

I once decided to take a nap on the way home from getting food after the bar, and a policeman woke me up and gave me options to go to jail or to the hospital. I asked him what would happen if I just decided to run, and he discouraged that. I went to the hospital, complaining the whole time I was there for them to let me out. I wound up in the hospital again two days later. It was during my first deep depression.

I drove on marijuana many times as well–even smoking regularly while driving on long road trips. Once I almost hit a pedestrian. I’ve zoned out since a very young age, hanging on every word; and like a switch, missing entire conversations; so I don’t blame that near miss on the pot.

In July 2008, I crossed state lines to pick up fireworks, hit three birds on the motorcycle during the trip, and shamelessly set off the fireworks in NYS. I set off a few about a mile from the state trooper barracks, then stopped when I heard a speeding trooper fly by the road. He passed, and I set off another one. He passed again, and I did it again, then stopped. I changed locations and did it again.

My senior year of high school, a friend was a computer whiz, and he hacked into the school database so we could play networked video games. He granted me a trap door to do the same, but teachers gave me more credit and “cool factor” than I was due. I just wanted to play “Duke Nukem.”

I once refused to turn in some people whom I witnessed attempt a heinous felony. I’ve witnessed abused and overlooked children and animals that I did not rescue.

And now (2009) I’m faced with what looked like a band of online muggers, and I keep pondering my failure to my peers in 1995, and revisiting my slighted reaction after sharing my insight on that trig challenge at work (2007).

Regardless of how I came to jail, what you will read shows it took me as a whole.

“Just because you’re schizophrenic doesn’t mean everything isn’t a figment of your imagination..” -Anonymous 5/15/15


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